Spiritual Amnesia

Whew, has it been a crazy past few weeks! Was doing great with the blog at first but then life happened...

Titus found out he is being medically discharged from the Air Force & will be retiring soon. We are so grateful for God's provision in all of this situation & that we will be taken care of financially. Titus was home for a bit to start looking at houses & had some interviews. He's back in Mississippi out-processing & should be home in the next couple weeks. We're looking forward to being back together & hope to be buying a house soon after he gets back. After closing, it's off to WA to get all our belongings! Praying for God's perfect timing in finding the exact house that He wants us in. It's been a crazy time house hunting but we are having fun & praising God through it all! Never thought this is what 2014 would look like for us, but His ways are definitely above our own :)

God has given me quite a few opportunities to show extra grace over the past couple of weeks. It seemed pretty easy for a bit & then it all hit me at once with multiple circumstances God handed to me where grace was required. Can't say I have made 100% on all these tests, but I am definitely having LOTS of practice to get it right!!

On a side note, we had a fun snow day today! Couldn't believe we actually got some, but it was a fun day at home with the kiddos & doing some cleaning out for my mom. Always so much to do around here!

Unfortunately, the snow kept our Bible study from meeting this week but that hasn't stopped God from speaking! What a week it has been studying God's Word. In studying about the Israelites wanting in the desert, I've loved seeing the miracles God displayed in so many awesome ways. Sometimes I tend to forget the beauty of the Old Testament, but I am learning to love it-- it's such an awesome beginning to the incredible story of God & the salvation He provided hundreds of years later through His Son. Parting the Red Sea, providing manna from the sky, giving sweet water from bitter, undrinkable water, providing a bountiful oasis in the midst of desert... what an amazing God He is! But the interesting (and sad) part of it, is that as soon as times got hard, it's like the Israelites completely forgot what all God had done. Complaining took over and they didn't trust God when their stomachs were growling & their feet were tired. I want to just shake my head at the Israelites when they start to grumble and complain just moments after they witness another miracle. Did they not see what God just did?! Why would He fail them after all the times He's proved faithful?

But then I stop and think... How true is that of us today? Of myself? We may not want to admit it, but often when times get tough, we get that same spiritual amnesia. For some reason we humans, and yes even us Christians, tend to think God isn't going to come through. We doubt Him. We fail to trust. We're crippled by fear & struggle to get through on our own strength. What we have to remember is that God gives "in-between" times of waiting and patience from one miracle to the next. And we have to recognize these times & not loose sight of what He is teaching us through them. Not only are these times necessary for our spiritual growth, but they help us to live in daily awareness of God's presence in our lives. A grumbling spirit will only rob of what God is trying to teach you. Refocus your attention from what God may not be doing, and focus on what He has accomplished & is accomplishing.

Philippians 4:8 is a great reminder of how to refocus our thoughts (this is one I shared a few weeks ago on what kind of things I'm putting in my mind- it can apply to so much!):

"Finally brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is pure, whatever is right, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable, if anything is excellent or praise-worthy, let your mind dwell on these things."

I am praying this week that as God tests my mind and heart through the circumstances that arise, that I would be ever-mindful of all He has done in my life & that I won't forget all He can do. I pray I will not resort to a grumbling & complaining attitude but that I would remember His character & never forget His love & concern for me. Last week we were challenged in our study to take a risk with God. Well, I didn't seem to get that chance this week, so since the snow kept me away another week, I will be on the lookout for those opportunities to take a risk-- will keep everyone posted on what He does!

Covered by His grace alone,

Kailee

One of "those" mornings

Well, today was just one of "those" mornings.

You know, the ones where everything just seems to go wrong? I got up early to fix breakfast for the ladies in my Bible study only to find we had no eggs (Mind you, i had already been to the store twice for forgetting things for the breakfast- and my dad had decided at midnight to make muffins so... there went my eggs). After running to the store (and already running late), the oven catches on fire from the dish bubbling over. Crisis averted. I get the girls up & get ready only for my dish to be mushy & uncooked in the center as I'm walking out the door. I'm already running late, the kids are late for preschool, I'm sweating & have no make up on, trying to unload everything at the church (in the rain- OF COURSE) & then I unnecessarily snap at my husband when he calls to tell me good morning. Then I feel terrible. And to top it off, the church is on a "Daniel Fast" so pretty much no one eats my food anyway.

Whew. Yeah, well that was it. I'm thankful all mornings aren't like that. Not enough energy in my body to handle all the chaos without screaming. 

You know, I'll be one to admit that sometimes I feel like God has forgotten about me. Especially on mornings like this when I just wish He would intervene & let things go right for once. Yeah, I know He will never leave me, but sometimes it just feels like He has checked out. Like He's so busy up there taking care of all the "big stuff" & other people's problems that He doesn't really have time to be concerned with my chaotic morning. 

Well, I have news. This is a lie that satan tells us. I know that I've had a distorted view of God growing up. I haven't really seen Him as personal, sovereign, and gentle. My innate thoughts of him include one who is distant. Impersonal. Strong & to be feared. My own military-retired father was a disciplinarian who I feared, & I know my views of him have effected how I view God. While my God is certainly strong, & I should fear Him, He is certainly not distant. He tells us in His word that He is ever-present. He promises to never leave or forsake us (Deuteronomy 31:6). He has given us His Spirit so that no matter where we are or what we are doing, He is right there inside us, always caring, listening, & involved.

But the Advocate, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you. Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
John 14:26-27

In my new Bible study (One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer), the basis of the study revolves around the question of why so many Christians just get by & don't ever fully experience God. Just like the children of Israel as thousands wandered through the desert in search of the Promised Land but only two (TWO!) actually saw it. Really, people of God-- why are we not experiencing Him to the absolute fullest? What's keeping us from the land of Caanan, that's flowing with milk & honey, where we experience God on a far deeper level than just a sermon were taking a few notes about on Sunday morning?

As people of God, we should not be satisfied with this common, complacent, lazy way of living. We have to seek out more! He has so, so, so much more for us if we just take the work of seeking it out. Living a godly lifestyle is so not easy. It's work. It's harder than a lifestyle of mediocrity, of sin. Sometimes a sinful lifestyle can look like so much more fun. And sometimes it is more fun! At least for a while. For me, God has revealed my entertainment choices are effecting my closeness with Him. This is one I have wrestled with for a while now. I don't watch a bunch of trash. I've given up all the violent stuff because it was giving me bad thoughts. The Bachelor really isn't that bad. They're not openly having sex & talking dirty on every episode. Desperate Housewives or Mistresses isn't too terrible. Yeah it has some language, affairs, and lots of lustful behavior but it could be worse. Those R rated movies I don't flinch in that drop the F-bomb at least 20 times or where the opening scene begins with an (unmarried) couple openly having sex on screen... It's just trash. I'm ashamed to say that I have indulged, as a believer in Jesus, in this kind of entertainment. And I've liked it. The question arrises in m mind- "if Jesus were sitting here with me, would I watch this?" Well, of course not! I would never have my Lord watch these sinful & worldly practices on my television.

Ha. Like I can hide from him.

Every time I indulge in a funny romantic primetime episode, He sits with me. He knows how much I loved Bridesmaids or We are the Millers. And I know it doesn't please Him. And the more I ignore the Holy Spirit's prompting in my heart, the softer His voice will get until I don't even hear it at all. And that is definitely a place I never want to be.

Well, all this comes down to something I have given up for the first time in YEARS (yeah, it's been a while). The Bachelor. So here's the deal- during previous seasons, episodes were available the day after airing for free online. My parents don't have cable, so no big deal. Well after I started this study, I noticed that the episodes online were not available until a WEEK later. What?! So I would always be behind! Not good. I did my study on Sunday & had a long talk with God about giving this up, although I still hadn't made a commitment (after all, there were worse things I could watch & it's not like it's that bad). Well, Monday night I decide I'll just take a peek at that first episode that is (finally) available. Guess what- it's not! Still another day before it's "unlocked." Ok God, I got it. Quit with the addiction & do something better with those 2 hours on Monday nights. Because really, how often do I fail to spend time with The Lord  because I'm "too tired" or don't pray because my mind is on other things...  Obviously (thanks, God), this practice is hindering me from further experiencing a deeper, more passionate relationship with Him. And I don't know about you, but I want to experience absolutely every single amazing blessing He has in store for me. Missing out on something amazing because of a stupid tv show... now that is ridiculous.

The verse I learned many, many years ago in Bible Drill comes to mind. Philippians 4:8 says:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

Well, I guess The Bachelor really doesn't qualify on that list, now does it. I'll close with this scripture from Ephesians 4:


...you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.
Verses 17-24

Wow. We can be righteous and holy when we put away our old practices & are aware of the things we have been taught week in and week out in church. We Christians really have to stop living so complacently. The Bible says we are to actually put into practice what we have learned. And the rewards in the Promised Land will truly be great. 

Covered by His grace alone,
Kailee 

The Gift of Marriage

Genesis 2:24-

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

I love being a wife. 

I love marriage. 

And of course, I completely love my husband. 

I think marriage is one of the most incredible earthly gifts God has blessed us with. And I feel so undeserving of that gift. I truly think it is amazing that I get to spend my life, sharing all my hopes, fears, joys, disappointments & dreams with the person I love & my very best friend. I love sharing life together. I love living together & just doing day in & day out life with my husband. Now all that to say, that may not always be my mindset. Marriage isn't easy. Especially when your husband is one who's just as strong-willed as you are. But two strong wills make a very passionate team & a team I'm so proud to be on. I'm so thankful for the gift of my wonderful husband. He is truly everything I have prayed for. When I was 13 years old, I started a prayer journal for my future husband. For 7 years I kept this journal, penning thoughts, prayers & dreams for the man I would marry. I presented Titus with this book on our wedding night & it's one of the most special possession I have. It's amazing to think how God was molding me & shaping me, even as a dreaming little 13 year old, into the woman I would become today as a wife. 

I just started a new study this week called One in a Million by Priscilla Shirer.  I'm not too far in it to have many thoughts yet, but this quote on the first page really stuck out to me: 

"Why don't the people of God, who can tap into so much divine power, break through the barriers that keep us from experiencing an abundant relationship with Him? Why do we hesitate to push through to freedom & abundant life?"

wow.

This quote really got me thinking.  As Christians, we have the opportunity to have so much from God. But like I heard in a previous study by Priscilla: God puts some blessings in our hands. But He puts others within our reach-- we have to do the work of seeking, reaching out & receiving them. We've been given such an abundance, but so often we're satisfied with just the bare minimum. The Sunday morning sermon that can be good, but by just being satisfied with that, we miss out on SO much by not continuing to dig in to what God is teaching us & taking time to spend with Him throughout the week.

For years I have struggled with a "quiet time." When it's quiet, i usually want to be in my bed either to sleep or watch tv. If I start to read, I fall asleep. So, my quiet times haven't always gone to well. Like I've said before, I'm bad about journaling (which I've learned is crucial in quiet time & growing in the Lord) & after about a week or 2, I'm done & back to where I began. As sad as it is for me to say that it's taken this long in my walk with the Lord, it's really been within the past year that I have gotten serious about daily time with the Lord. During the first few months of our marriage, Titus & I made a point to do a nightly devotion together (Sacred Marriage Devotions by Gary Thomas- love it, his book Sacred Marriage changed my life). As great as this was, I found myself depending solely on this for my time with God. My personal, one on one time with Him was lacking (well, actually, it wasn't there at all). Then I learned about Proverbs 31 Ministries. I started with daily devotion emails that are geared toward women & wives. I got in the habit of reading these every day. Since I've come back home to SC & have been involved with a women's Bible study, it's further fueled this passion for learning & growing my relationship with Christ. I seriously get so excited now to dig in my study & in God's Word to see what new truth He has to reveal to me. I love to see Him work things together & teach me truths in all aspects of my life. I loved seeing how He used my Bible courses this semester to reinforce what I was learning in my study. I just love how God works!

Going back to my marriage, I can truly say it has made me a better woman. Being a wife has really encouraged me to be the absolute best woman I can be. Having a life partner to walk beside me & encourage me, hold me accountable, pray with me, & share every life experience with me really has done something in my heart & life. I have so, SO far to go in my walk with the Lord & in my pursuit to be a godly, submissive wife, but seeing myself a year ago & where I am now-- I know God is working. I love how He has reignited my passion for Him & is giving me a wonderful way to live out what He has called me to do in being a wife. Proverbs 12:4 says, "An excellent wife is the crown of her husband." I pray I will be this on Titus' head :)

Even with only a year under my belt, I can be the one to say that marriage isn't always pretty. But it is absolutely always beautiful. I'm so glad God's (& Titus') grace covers me on the ugly days. The way God puts two imperfect, selfish people together in a way to be completely selfless, taking the form of a servant to their spouse... well, there just isn't anything else in this world like it.

...except maybe motherhood, but we won't be there for a while ;) 

Until next time... 

Covered by His grace, 

Kailee

Photo by Meghan Cavin

This is not my heaven

So, I've been contemplating on this phrase for several weeks now: this is not my heaven. My sweet bible study leader shared this with me a few weeks when we were talking about unbelievers. To them, earth is as good as it gets. This is their heaven. We can't be mad at them & expect any more from them than this mindset. Their hearts aren't set on eternity & therefore their whole lives revolve around making the absolute best, most successful life they can possibly have without The Lord & his promise for an eternal reward.  

Titus & I were talking a lot about our future when he was home for Christmas. We don't get to see each other often, so we were trying to discuss the "big stuff" in the little time we had face to face. Our hearts desire to have our own family & raise our children in a house we build on some land. As we were talking through these plans & dreams, we had to constantly remind ourselves that as believers, this earth is not our heaven. A far, FAR greater reward awaits us in the home God is preparing for us as His chosen children. Even as Christians, it is so easy to forget this. The hostess/decorator in me has all kinds of dreams for creating a beautiful home to have people over in, entertain & build a beautiful life for my family. While it isn't be to have a pretty house or nice things, we have to be so careful & mindful of the human materialistic nature we have inside us. Idolizing material, beautiful things, financial security, is sinful. In fact, ANYTHING that takes God's rightful place in our lives & rules over us is idol worship. This isn't something we really want to hear & it isn't something I would ever want to admit but I know I do it. Just because I strongly feel called to be a wife & mother, doesn't mean my pursuing of God should suffer or fail to be the focus of my whole life's purpose. 

Makes me think of that Carrie Underwood song I love so much- This is my Temporary Home. I'll share a few lyrics below: 

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers "Don't cry for me, I'll see you all someday"
He looks up and says "I can see God's face"

"This is my temporary home, it's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passing through
This was just a stop on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was my temporary home"
This is our temporary home

Titus & I have such a heart for our Peru boys. I don't know how God is going to use this passion in our future but I know there's a reason He's given us both such a strong love for these precious children (I'll share more about them & what we do in a later post). As great as a house, kids, etc all sounds, our focus is to be on eternity & the Gospel. God wasn't kidding when he said that this life is a vapor & we shouldn't waste it. Instead of building heaven here, our mindset should be that of the Great Commission: sharing God's incredible love & making disciples. 

James 4:14 reminds me that I shouldn't boast in these future plans. "Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." 

All this comes down to the principle in Colossians 3: "If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth."

This can be a hard pill to swallow when human desires overtake us, but I pray that God will make this truth real in my life both now & throughout my future. 

Well, I guess this wasn't real "grace-filled" today but it's just what God put on my heart. I'm so glad His unfailing grace covers me at times where I get so lost in my own desires & materialistic wants. I so don't want to miss out on what He has for me in eternity because my mind is so consumed with this earth. I know it can't even begin to compare to what my home in Heaven will be! 

Covered by His grace,

Kailee 

Blah

You know when you have some days that are just... blah? Well, today was what I would call a blah day. Not really for any reason or because of any circumstance, just not a super great day. I was consciously seeking out ways to show grace while I was out running errands today, but God didn't really throw any big rocks on my path for me to conquer :) 

Today my mind goes back to a lesson I learned from my study of Gideon (by Priscilla Shirer). It basically was talking about serving God in the mundane: the every day, the ordinary, the "blah" things. Every day may not be a super awesome, visible example of serving the Lord whole-heartedly. Some days may be running kids around to activities, making dinner, doing laundry, sitting in traffic, buying groceries. But how can we really joyously and consciously serve the Lord through these things? 

I know I don't have children, but I have a bunch of siblings & I work with kids, & I think the way we treat our kids is a huge way to serve the Lord daily. Since I was 16 years old, I really felt the Lord's call to be a wife & a mother. God may have other plans for me career-wise, but I feel very strongly led to stay at home & raise my children under the instruction & care of the Lord. I think this is the absolute coolest & most important job as we raise up the next generation in the instruction of The Lord.  It may not always be glamorous & I'm sure it'll be exhausting, but I pray I'll pray & serve Him joyously at this time in my life. I'm always amazed at mothers who, although imperfect, are a shining examples of living joyously through the mundane. Even on "blah" days, keeping a smile on your face can speak volumes to your children & those around you.  

For now, I will focus on joyously serving Him with my schoolwork & being a great student, not slacking off or doing the minimum required. I'll serve Him by the way I love my husband, day in & day out, even when it's difficult & I'm not feeling very full of grace. I'll serve him joyously on the blah days. I love the truth of 1 Samuel 12:24, "But be sure to fear the LORD and serve him faithfully with all your heart; consider what great things he has done for you." 

If we're ever feeling blah, considering our many, many blessings & the great things God has done ought to really turn our focus away from ourselves & onto serving the one who gave it all. I'm going to do a "heart check"  today & talk to God about making me JOYFUL in the blah :) 

Covered by His grace,
Kailee 

Psalm 100:2 Serve the LORD with gladness! Come into his presence with singing!

And so it begins...

Well, here I am starting my twenty-something blog. I've tried to create blogs in the past & haven't done a good job of keeping them up. Starting my second year of marriage, I really want to do better with documenting our lives & especially what The Lord is doing in my heart, mostly due to the fact that I get bored writing in a real journal because my thoughts flow faster than my hand can write :) 

Titus & I spend New Year's Eve at my parents lake house on Fishing Creek Lake with his brother & sister & their families. Before midnight, we all picked a word to encompass what 2014 would look like for us; a word that we wanted to focus on in our life. Words such as joy, communication, accomplishment, focus & patience all came up. I chose the word "grace." It's a word God has laid on my heart recently, & I thought what better way to implement this word in my life than with the start of a new year!

And so began my journey... 

"Covered by His Grace Alone." 

    (I added "alone" because the blog address was already taken ;) 

I decided it was first important to define the word grace. Just looking it up in the online dictionary it comes up as:

"The free & unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of sinners & the bestowal of blessings." 

As I dug a little deeper in the Bible, I found countless scripture about God's grace for us. Most of the message revolving around grace encompasses the Gospel, that while we were in our sin & shame, God bestowed his forgiveness & grace upon us, COVERING our transgressions, giving us favor & forgiveness. Now with this in mind, how could I show grace in 2014? 

It all started with a devotion I read a month or so ago from Proverbs 31 Woman.  (I get a really cool daily devo from them, you should check it out). It was on being a "mean girl" (you can read it here). Basically the author touched on how we can get up one day choosing to be Christ-like & desiring to show grace. We can handle ourselves so godly in one situation & walking with our head high. But then 15 minutes later, an irritating situation arises & we have the tendency to be a "mean girl." She described a situation where she was in the grocery store. The woman in front of her in line & put all her items on the counter to check out, just as the clerk turned off her light & said she was closed. Instead of grumbling & being annoyed (like I know I would), the woman smiled at the clerk & said something like "I bet you're going on your break or heading home for the day. I hope you have a wonderful day". It's so easy to start out a day or a new year with plans of being kind & gracious & when a moment of annoyance enters in, we loose our gracious attitude. 

I know I shouldn't really be surprised, but God truly never ceases to amaze me. With this thought, I had plans of giving grace in lots of small ways. Well, just a couple days after making this decision, He hands me a BIG obstacle to overcome with undeserved grace. I've been reminded that instead of reluctantly accepting the challenge, I should rejoice in HIS power through me as I seek to overcome opposition. 

2 Corinthians 12:9 says: 
"But he said to me, 'My grace is enough for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' So then, I will boast most gladly about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may reside in me." 

Because of the sensitivity of the situation, I can't share it on here, but I know God will overcome this situation like He does every other, and so I am rejoicing in the battle that lies ahead. As I was watching a video today of a recent Bible study I finished on the story of Gideon (by Priscilla Shirer- it's awesome, you should do it), the author was talking about going into battle. God has given me these amazing tools to overcome obstacles & instead of dreading the battle, I should face it with confidence, knowing that what I will come out with in the end will be something truly great. Through this study, I really feel equipped & ready to take on this challenge of offering grace. Although in my mind the person may not deserve it, God is reminding me that the grace I've been shown by the Lord of the Universe far outweighs any display of grace on this earth that I could imagine. 

Romans 3:24:
"For there is no distinction: for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and are justified by his grace as a gift, through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus."

Well, that's about all for today. Congrats to anyone still reading this mess of thoughts :) 

Covered by His Grace, 

Kailee