We Are The Poor Ones.

This started as a Facebook post, but I think there might be a limit as to how long a status can be… 

I've been thinking on this for a few months now. I guess it's about time to put these thoughts onto "paper." 

Through a heart filled with abundant joy & also tears of sorrow that hurt my heart so deep, I have finally finished the book I set out to read months ago. A friend lent it to me, telling me that her writing style reminded her of me. I saw it as it sat on my shelf. I read the first couple chapters & was amazed, but as life got in the way, weeks went by as it sat on my nightstand. Now that Titus & I are vacationing in Florida, away from the distractions of our daily lives, I've finally been able to snuggle up on my beach chair & read the words of a truly incredible young woman.

I am completely blown away at the sheer obedience & testament of Katie Davis. It's almost unbelievable in our every day Christian American culture-  she left everything-- her family, college, boyfriend, & American life-- & became the single mother to 14 abandoned & orphaned girls in Uganda. And it just so happens that she is the exact same age as I am. 

Something in Katie's book really stuck out to me. Something I've been trying to say, but couldn't quite put into words about my precious boys in Peru. Something I have sat on for months & just didn't quite know how to say, but I wanted everyone to hear it. 

The more I've served in Peru, the more I see the boys for who they truly are- not for their "condition" or their lives in the jungle. But more so for the precious, incredible people they are. The way they see you & their face lights up. The way they clean up after themselves at dinner. They way they look into your eyes with a smile that melts your heart- like you're the only person in the world. There's just something about them that makes them… different. And oh, so beautiful. It's something I rarely see in a child in America. It's something that blesses & touches my heart far deeper than I can explain.

Upon my return to the U.S. after my summer trip to Peru, I kept getting really frustrated when people say things like, "I'm sure you see how fortunate we are to live in America when you serve there," or "Wow, it's so sad that they live the way they do." It actually made me really angry when I would hear these things; when I would hear people speak of the poverty, the lack of resources, or looked down on them because of their situation. I wasn't quite sure what was making me feel this way. And it turns out that Katie was also asked these questions & responds in a way that touched my heart in a very special way:

At first glance, it would be easy to feel sorry for these little boys. Their clothes are tattered; they sleep on old, dirty mattresses; they walk to school barefoot in the rain. They have no electricity, no running water, & it's raining so hard that the whole compound has become a muddy swamp. But I should not pity these children. In fact, I should envy them. At 6 years old, these children know what it is to be filled with the Holy Spirit. These children know the greatness, the wonder of our God.

I've had people ask me why I think Africa is so impoverished, but these children are not poor. I, as a person who grew up wealthy, am. I put value in things. These children, having no things, put value in God. I put my trust in relationships; these children having already seen relationship fail, put their trust in the Lord. This nation is blessed beyond any place, any people I have ever encountered. God has not forgotten them. In fact, I believe He has loved them just a little bit extra.

I sit here freezing & wet in his pitch-black room as the rain beats down on the roof, & God is so close I feel I can touch Him. My deepest prayer is that I could know the Lord as well as the 1st grader next to me. All my senses are full of His greatness. God's glory has fallen down into this place & is soaking us even deeper than the rain. I never, ever want to be dry.

Wow. I wish I could say that so eloquently, instead of getting so fired up when I hear people speak of the lives of the Girasoles boys like they are a spectacle-- something we only hear about & could never live like. The fact that these are real people, real lives, just makes something flare up in me. But I think it's a good type of frustration. One that ignites passion to not be like the rest of our apathetic Christian culture. But a passion to live like my boys do-- taking relationships, with others & the Lord, so much deeper & more seriously. Their lives aren't clouded with the distractions of technology, abundance, or "stuff." They are so much more open to clearly see what is important & how God created us to be. 

Katie talks in her book about Matthew 25, which I think is a very important picture to show us as believers what we are called to do:

 "Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ And the King will answer them, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.’

 "Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. For I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me no drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not clothe me, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ Then they also will answer, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to you?’  Then he will answer them, saying, ‘Truly, I say to you, as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”

(verse 34-46)

You know, God takes it pretty seriously how we feed the hungry, give to those less fortunate, & serve the lesser man. Those who were not obedient went away to eternal punishment. I don't know about you, but I want to be the righteous one. I want to be the one in eternal life with my Lord. I want to know Him far deeper than what's "expected" of an everyday American Christian. I want that deep, passionate love. I don't want to be so distracted by this world & miss out on what He has for me. I don't want to loose that relationship I could potentially have, one of deep passion, reliance, & faith. 

Katie says it so beautifully in her words in her book, talking about the culture shock she felt being back in the States after living in Uganda for a year; like a stranger in her native land: 

But what has been the biggest shock in my system, the huge disconnect, is that I have stepped out of my reliance on God to meet my needs. I "miss" Jesus. He hasn't disappeared, of course, but I feel so far from Him because my life is actually functioning without Him. By "functioning," I mean that if I am sick, I go to the drugstore or the doctor. If I am hungry, I go to the grocery store. If I need to go somewhere, I get in my car. When I need some advice or guidance, I call my mom or plop on my roommate's bed. If I want to feel happy, I get my little bother to make me laugh.

I keep forgetting to ask God first to heal me, to fill me, to guide me, to rejoice with me. I have to set aside "time to pray" in the morning and at night instead of being in a constant communication with Him. In Uganda, because I was so physically "poor," I was completely dependent on God & spiritually as wealthy as ever. As I sit here writing, I am frustrated with my own stupidity, my human willingness to step back into dependance on stud & these places I swore I detested.

And boy, is that me: merely "functioning" & forgetting to leave in complete dependance & constant communication with my God. I pray that He would awaken in me, in us as believers, a desire to truly be close to Him. To take Him at His word. To love the unlovable. To do as His Word commands. To follow harder & more deeply after Him. To quit living lives of complacency and instead live lives in complete abandon & utter reliance on Him. To quit trusting in our American "stuff" & start trusting in His promises to always provide for us & to give us a life far more beautiful than this world could ever offer. 

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you.  James 1:27

Covered by His Grace Alone,

kb

I'm Not in Control

"This is it," I thought to myself as I stood in the airport with my husband & 9 other team members. "We've finally made it. All this hard work- and we're finally doing this!" It was my first time leading a mission team to another country. Never in a million years would I have seen myself at the age of 21, married & traveling to another country on my 6th visit with my very own team. It's funny to think on my first trip to Peru. I really don't even know why I went back. It was everything that wasn't me. Heat. Bugs. No a/c. Unfamiliar food. Heat. River baths. Playing soccer. Heat. Outdoors. I could go on, but you get the idea. Peru was not anything that encompassed me or my personality, but God softened my heart to something deeper. Something that lies in the precious chocolate brown eyes that make me weak at the knees. Something special. Something important. And obviously, I couldn't stay away.

As we all set in the airport in Atlanta, waiting for our international flight, my eyes scanned the group sitting before me. I say "my" team… what I really mean is God's team- that He entrusted us to lead to another country to go love on 40 of the most incredible children I've ever met. You see, I never thought I would get to this point. Just a short 5 weeks before, I gripped my iPhone through burning tears streaming down my face- another team member had dropped out moments before I was to purchase the *very expensive* international flight reservations. Number 7. Our team that once stood at 18 folks was down to a slim 11. Only 2 of my original members now sat on that list. My heart was broken. I was angry, defeated, hurt, and at a loss- what was I supposed to do? It was at that moment that I really considered calling it all off. Forget the hours upon hours of fundraising. Forget the car washes, bake sales, donation drives, and making deliveries. Forget the people that faithfully gave with the heart to give these children some hope & encouragement. Forget the tug on mine & Titus' hearts to lead a team. Just forget it all…

Through tears I began calling the 9 team members still left on my list. With each phone call I heard the words, "I'm in this. We have to go. We can't cancel the trip." After hanging up with one of my very dearest friends who was in this with me from day one, Titus & I took some time in prayer & made the decision- we are going to do this. Even without the 15 minimum members we're supposed to have. Even with a group consisting of most that had never been on a mission trip before. Even with doubts, fears, and frustrations. "We can't do much," I thought. But somehow I had to trust God through that…

And through all of this, I really think the biggest thing the Lord taught me through it all was trust. And it wasn't even something I expected to learn. You see, I really prefer to be in control. I wouldn't say I'm super controlling in nature, but I am a planner, and I really like to know what's going on- all the time. You know what's funny is, even from the beginning- I was never in control. Titus & I began our Peru team planning with the mindset of handpicking a super strong team: military guys, survival junkies, outdoor lovers, strong married couples, close friends, construction workers… it was the perfect team, right? We could do all the things we need to in Peru- knock out a ton of construction, be a light by showing what godly marriages look like, have people that thrive in the environment. Well, as you can see, that's not quite what happened. Nearly every person on "our team" couldn't come for one reason or another. And that control was slowly slipping through my finger. I wrestled with God. I was pretty stubborn about asking random acquaintances to join me. Because I'm protective of the boys, I didn't want people that weren't going to understand the impact their actions- positive or negative- would make on these children, many abandoned with distorted views of love, God, & relationships. Through the humbling, I learned to trust. Learned to trust that even from the beginning, God had handpicked each team member that would go on that trip. I learned to trust that it wasn't my doings or my choice to have specific people on this trip. It was God's & God's alone.

With time running out to fundraise, I poured my heart & soul into fundraising so people could go (there's that control mindset again). "If I could get everyone their money," I thought, "then it will all work out & we can go." Guess what? Wrong again. While we did have some really successful fundraisers, all the money just wasn't there. Having 3 team members join mere weeks before our departure, the account was more than a little lacking. My mom was kind enough to let me charge tickets on her credit card so we could make reservations, but I had no idea what we were going to do come time to pay the bill. But God's still small voice (boy, am I glad He doesn't give up on my stubbornness…) whispered to my heart, "Just trust me, I've got this." And He did. When I fully relinquished that control to Him, He showed up in ways I could have never imagined. It wasn't until after the trip that I would see our account was perfectly balanced, down to the last dollar, but through it all, I was able to surrender to His ultimate control in the situation, and boy, was I blessed by it.

“But blessed are those who trust in the Lord
                                              and have made the Lord their hope and confidence." Jeremiah 17:7

I said before that life in Peru didn't really encompass me & who I was. Well, that's quite true. But I will say that I have never had a more wonderful, comfortable, Spirit-filled trip than this one. I have been to Peru 5 times prior, & have never felt like I did on this one. Something was just… different. I really don't know how to explain it. Maybe it was the Spirit of God walking right alongside me as I relinquished control & fully trusted in His ultimate will. It was like a got just a small glimpse of what Heaven is like-- walking hand in hand with Him, loving the least of these & never wanting to leave.

Truthfully, I have spent months trying to blog about my trip and for some reason I just couldn't. It's like I just can't explain exactly how God worked. It's like no one will really understand what it is that makes me love that place like I do unless they've been there. It's like I can say all these words, but they really don't mean a lot in comparison to this everyday American life we live, one of materialism, busyness, complete dependance on money & status, having very little "use" for God. It's almost frustrating to try because I know I can't do it justice. But if I can say anything that may be understandable, it's that the Lord truly did a work in me. My life has been forever changed by the 40 precious, dark-haired, brown-eyed "angels with dirty faces" who I love more than I could ever have imagined. It's only by His grace alone that I am so drawn to this people group, with ones whose language I cannot even understand, to love and invest in ways I never dreamed possible. And wow, it is truly exhilarating to be completely out of my comfort zone & right in the center of His will-- trusting it wherever it takes me.

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  Romans 12:2

Covered by His grace alone,

kb